Today is just a horrible day.. my house is a mess, everyone is crabby, my kids wont listen.... I just feel like screaming... I dunno what I'm going to make for dinner... nothing is organized.. I just wanna give up and go to bed... I got three kids who are literally attached at the hip with me, I mean of course the baby is going to be needy, thats ok.. .but Riley and Ian wanna be on my lap, or stuck right next to me, on me, in my way, alllllll day long.. so its impossible to clean up.. and its making me super super crabby... I love my children so very entirely, but it'd be nice to be able to accomplish something... ANYTHING! I gotta wait until they are all asleep to do anything, and by than I am TIREDDDDD!! I dont regret having my kids EVER but noone ever told me having three kids was this hard... I see all these families like my mom, came from five girls... and Jeds mom came from a family of five... I dunno how they did it!!! Maybe its just a bad day... I dunno... I just had to rant..

been sick the since sunday... its just miserable.. I just finally gave in and tried to eat, and I totally regret it.. my whole entire stomach feels like its just twisting and turning all over the place.. I cant handle it.. I'm calling doctor tomorrow, they said if it hasnt improved to do that.. so I guess I will have to ...
cant even type, im gunna have to go to sleep asap.

Well, they doubled my ambien, and its not working.. I dont feel tired at all... my heads racing... so I dont think I can get to bed like this... ugghhh.... you know what would really cheer me up?? If I could find my favorite movie of all freaking time ..... STEP BROTHERS... its hiding out somewhere in my apartment, and I cant seem to find it and it'd be awesome if I could find it.. .than I could cheer up maybe. Anyways, it was nice to see my sister and her kids today. .I love my Kammerboo boo and Brookyboo!! But poor little Brooklynn had a fever so I'm hoping shes feeling better soon... I am happy I got hugs from my handsome little man though... I've been snuggling up to Riley alot today too... hes been very kissy... so I really am happy about that.. Now I'm calling my momma on the phone... yes I call my momma at 4 am.. thats what I love about her, shes always available at any time... I'm pretty dang lucky to have a mom like mine :D

Today my right side was killing me again.. so I went to the doctor after Ians birthday party... it kind of annoyed me at the party because everyone was worried about lecturing my sister and not about what the real reason was, Ians birthday... so I got kind of upset...

Anyways, I went to the doctor hoping they'd find some reason why my side hurt so freaking bad... but to no avail again they didnt find anything... I'm about to give up and just deal with the pain without asking for help ever again.. just frustrating..

On a good note, Jed wore his new clothes today and he looked soooo hotttttttt... and sooo handsome.. .he always looks great, but I loved his outfit today.. sexy daddy! lol..

Well.. tomorrow is my sons fourth birthday party.. I'm excited.... got everything all bought and ready to go.. I think.. lol.. anyways.. .I hope it goes well... and than I talked to the doctor today, and they said I could double my ambien to hopefully help me sleep.. so we'll see how that goes... hopefully that works for me, I'm tired of sleeplessness... just wanted to make a short little update.

Insomnia, still... I keep saying I'm gunna call my doctor but than something always comes up where I cant get a call in... I really have to just call tomorrow no matter what, because I'm getting tired of no sleep.... today I went to my group, it was ok... I was pissed off.. I dunno why.. so I really didnt enjoy it like I wanted to.. luckily I'm in a group with some really nice girls so they didnt seem to mind that I was in such a pissy mood. I took out lots of garbage today too.. that was my main feat... the stupid dumpster is sooo full all the time that theres no freaking room to put our garbage in it.. (we live in an apartment, so its shared) but the problem is, its not just us using it... the people on the other side of the fence sneak through and throw their crap in their too so they dont have to pay for getting rid of their trash... its just annoying...

Anyways, Riley's up... hes crabby because of his ear infection... and I better try to get him to bed... maybe just maybe I'll get to sleep tonight before 4-6am.

Just as I was typing about how much I hate the power in my apartment, and how it cant even keep a computer going, it shut off.. now I'm back and hoping it will stay powered up long enough for me to even do a blog update...

Today was stressful.. Ian decided to take off in a store and I couldnt find him, I was yelling for him and he wouldnt respond... where do I find him? Digging through a toy bin.. .I about died my anxiety was so high! Theres nothing scarier than the thought you may have lost your child...who knows where he was, who could've taken him, scary stuff like that... it was miserable!!!.....

Than, I've been working my butt off trying to get Ians birthday present all figured out.. I'm giving him this photo viewer for kids, to put all his favorite pictures on, so I'm picking out ones I know he loves and getting it ready, and the computer shut off on me like a zillion times... I just cant stand this anymore.... xcel said they are sending out people to see if it is their connection, or if its just the stupid wiring in this apartment... why should I pay full rent for an apartment I cant even live with basic neccessities in if it is the wiring? that just drives me nuts! hopefully its something xcel will fix on friday and I can stop complaining.... and not have to deal with the frustrations anymore.. anyways, better post this before it shuts down again.